Over the years I’ve seen my role in my own life’s drama change: I’ve believed myself to be many things to many people.
Today I actually have no idea what I am to anyone other than to myself, and even to me, I’m an enigma that is constantly evolving—transforming into something other than the role(s) I once held.
That was hard to accept for awhile—that I wasn’t this ONE thing that I’d truly believed myself to be.
But I slowly began to realize that my perception of myself and my role in humanity’s slow-unfolding progression was at best a delusion and at worse, an egoic fallacy.
Even now—this very morning, little egoic ME thought: “What should I do to help them?”
And the “them” here doesn’t even matter, because to believe that I could be the ONE to help, was the problem. It’s not up to me to FIX the situation or the people involved in the situation. It never was up to ME, and it never will be.
Part of my own spiritual evolution is in the final realization that I, in all my illusions of grandeur, am NOT the FIXER of those perceived problems, because perhaps it is my perception instead that is the actual problem. And the only one who can change that faulty perception is ME, so if I want to FIX something—FIX that!
When I fully comprehended what I was at first contemplating and then resolving NOT to do in my own mind, I realized that there is nothing for me to FIX. Everything is all illusion and all perspective, and ALL situations are resolvable in some way without my interference and/or assistance.
So there ego-mind! The FIXER is at peace with not fixing anything but her perception of any situation.
Us control freaks have a hard time letting go of affecting processes and outcomes. But this time it feels like an awakening for this control freak to let go of my attachment to perceiving that there is a problem. If there is no real problem, then there is no need of fixing it. I’m not ignoring the situation; I’m simply allowing it to resolve without my interference.
So, …I now take a deep breath and choose to let go and let the Universe decide the next course of action in this situation and in all others as I think that’s the smartest and most sane thing I can do.
Perhaps it’s about time that I got smart enough to realize it.